No jokes
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
What time is it when you say no to everything? Time to get bored.
No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
"Paper is 2D!" said Pen.
"No, it's 3D!" said Pencil.
After Pencil proved it to Pen, Pen said, "Oh, I suppose you're write."
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.
(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.