Mortician jokes

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

Cremation,

The last chance for a smoking hot body.