Mortician jokes

Virgin

    • If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

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    • Woman

    • You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

  • 1

    • Cremation

    • Setting: Funeral Home

    Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

    Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

    Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

    Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

    Customer: Okay?

    Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

    By: MiniMemorials.com

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    • Necrophiliac

    • Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

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