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Heroin Monkey
1 year ago
FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    DAD IS FUCKING DEAD. HE SHOT HIMSELF.
Rodrick and I heard a bang come from the basement, and
the first thing we see is DAD ON THE FLOOR WITH
A BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. When Mom
turned around, I tell she looked batshit crazy. She
was
you
holding a glock and looked like a fucking animal.
I'M GONNA
BREAK YOUR
FUCKING
LEGS GREG
WHAT THE
HELL?!
She then threatened us for answers for who told Dad,
and when I thought things couldn't get any i
BUBBY
DID IT!
worse...
HE had to fuck shit up.
10
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a page from a diary with hand-written text and a small drawing of a person on a couch looking dejected.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    It's like 5:00pm, and Mom is driving me home as we
speak. I can't fucking believe that my mother is a
whore. I witnessed my own mother pleasing another man
and I feel disgusting.
During the ride, we didn't speak to each other for
about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, Mom asked if I
could forget everything that happened today. I said I
would, but I knew that this hoe could not step another
foot into this household.
GREG, LISTEN.
HOW ABOUT
WE FORGET
ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED
TODAY?
YEAH, SURE.
WHATEVER.
@gabriel
She then asked me not to tell Dad about this. I said
I wouldn't, but you can't make a promise to a hoe who
breaks her wedding vows.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    MOM WHAT
THE FUCK!?
HOLY SHIT,
IT'S GREG!
MOM was GIVING HER WHOLE HEAD to Mr.
Winsky, and Vice Principal Roy is FUCKING DEAD!
As soon as I walked in these fuckers immediately acted
like they weren't just fucking crawling over each other.
That filthy homewrecker Mr. Winsky sent Mom and told
her to take me home. Fucking delinquents.
I have to tell Dad that Mom is a whore somehow. This
bitch needs to be sent to the streets.
3
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A black and white cartoon drawing depicting a text written in a diary, describing how Patty got a secret out, and then the person was sent to the vice principal's office. Then, the person heard a bouncing noise, laughter, and giggling, followed by two voices sounding like they were having sex in school. A drawing of a person standing in front of lockers is below the text. Another line of text says, "I opened the door, and oh boy, you'll be surprised about who I saw." A number "2" is at the bottom of the page.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    Monday
DECEMBER
Today was fucking dreadful.
Me and the boys were just watching porn on the
school computers in computer science. Nothing harmful.
You know how it goes, though. There's always s
bitch across the room, just waiting, dying to ruin the
fun.
Some
WHAT
GREG IS WATCHING
PORNOGRAPHY, MR
JIZZLE!
"PANT
PANT
THE
ZFUCK?!
The next time I see
snitch is fucking dead.
Patty, I swear to god, that
1
  • 1
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    The image shows two maps, one of Oman and one of Yemen. Above the map of Oman is written: "Using the Drake format". Above the map of Yemen is written: "Using whatever this is".
  • 0
  • TaylorSwiftBoat
    1 year ago
    The image shows Mark Zuckerberg and T-Pain in a music studio. T-Pain is seen playing a keyboard, while Mark Zuckerberg stands in the background. A smaller inset photo shows Zuckerberg wearing a black t-shirt.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A painting of an old man with a hat smoking a pipe. The text on the image says: "STOP BLAMING YOURSELF AND OTHERS. LEARN FENG SHUI & BLAME THE FURNITURE."
  • 0
  • M
    Mr.Cheese47
    1 year ago

    cheese

    An image of a creature made from a cracked egg with legs, an eye, and the text "me at 3:00AM heading over to the fridge", "he travels", and "he seeks the parmesan".
  • 0
  • tabs1528
    1 year ago
    The image shows a cartoon vampire with the Soviet Union flag superimposed on it, saying, "Of all history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've encountered." Below it is an angry-looking cartoon penguin with the Finnish flag superimposed on it, and text that says "*Angry snow noises*".
  • 0
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Republicans were quick to admit however, that the 22nd Amendment was passed in a stolen election to remove FDR.

    A news article with the headline: 4D Chess: Democrats Admit Trump Actually Won In 2020 And Is Now Unable To Serve Third Term. Below the headline is the text: POLITICS - Nov 7, 2024 - BabylonBee.com. Underneath is an image of several politicians standing at a podium with the US flag behind them. The woman at the podium is speaking.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a meme with the text "statisticians be like" at the top, followed by three graphics: a bell curve chart, a probability mass function graph with three curves, and a statistical formula. Underneath the graphics, the text continues with "yeah this may or may not happen idk."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A text message conversation. It starts with a message from "fbi agent" saying "You welcome, don't mess this up king". Followed by a question "Wyd", the reply "playing xbox with the boys", then "you?" and finally a message saying: "Parents aren't home come over".
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image consists of six panels arranged in a 2x3 grid. The top row shows Donald Trump giving a thumbs up and Kamala Harris clapping, with the text 'No matter which candidate you vote for.' Below them are images representing various problems: a person peeking through blinds representing government spying, a stealth bomber dropping bombs representing military actions, a man lighting a cigar with a dollar bill representing the rich getting richer, Uncle Sam laundering money representing tax fraud, police in riot gear representing police brutality, and a weight with the word 'debt' chained to a map of the US representing rising national debt. Text below each image describes each of these themes.
  • 1
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a two-panel comic. In the first panel, a person is facing left and saying "Gasp! Oh no." above them. There is a speech bubble that says "Still water". A black cat sits below them. The second panel has a black dog with the trollface on its head saying "Gasp! Oh no." and "Hawk time!". Below the comic, the text "Those who started the event winter arc" is written and an evil looking face.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A newspaper clipping with the headline "Nude Brit covered in poo fell from hotel balcony into café", followed by a news article describing a naked British tourist who fell through a café ceiling from his hotel balcony in Thailand.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    Other countries
Please behave
I will take you
to Disneyland
Balkans
I will sell you
to the gypsies
if you don't behave
I will behave
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The top panel shows a group of people sitting at a round table. The text overlay reads, "Americans holding a presidential election every 4 years since 1788." The bottom panel shows a chaotic scene of people in disarray. The text reads, "France going from monarchy to directory to consul to emperor back to monarchy to republic back to emperor to three more different republics in the same time."
  • 0
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