Teach a scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys !
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
