Back

Collection of Dark Jokes

·

    • My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

    Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

    It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

    Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

    When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

    Explanation

    • Explain Bear

    Alright listen up, because I only want to say this once. So, there's like, five jokes here. The fridge one is funny because she thinks the fridge not working is the light not working when the husband is talking about the relationship. You probably have no idea what that's like. The funeral one is funny because it's a play on words about "morning" and "mourning", something you probably wouldn't understand. The anecdote one is funny because the person is an idiot and their friend died as a result. The salad one is funny because caesar was stabbed a bunch of times and you're stabbing the salad a bunch of times. I have no idea what's funny about the tree one, but probably something you wouldn't understand anyway. You probably think trees are like big sticks, right?

    Comments (395)

    • It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

    I meant got but fucking auto correct

    fleperd

    It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

    wht has

    fleperd

    It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

    Would it bother you if I were to call you chubby? HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION

    prolly a lil then i woulndt gaf

    Hamhurger Germany

    It's a place in Germany

    I js saw a mf on tiktok fry ramen

    Am I supposed to not boil it

    You are very picky

    You said yesterday when we were talking you were picky

    I wanna cuddle again

    but i do not wanna be that cold again

    i wasnt cold outside but it hit me inside

    Mt head in between your things :0

    Get your mind out of the gutter >:(

    I still want my head crushed

    its not lik i have leg strengtth

    I can't stroke it for the month of November

    Comment deleted by fleperd

    I'm gonna be back

    I feel like you're sad

    You're mad cuz you can't be helping me

    You're sad you can't help me

    You wanna give me a handjob

    Im scared one day when you tell me you love me it wont be true

    I won't ever lose feelings <3

    I wanna sleep on your thigh

    like i needa be honest w/ u

    u should prolly sleep its gettin late

    i need to say smthin but i cant

    Like actually cant?

    fleperd

    Me nun shelo

    no u sleep

    Not til you yell me

    Anonymous

    like i needa be honest w/ u

    This

    youll pass out soon enough

    I'll bust another nut

    I'm passing out 😴

    I'm eating a snickers

    I'll never go tah bed 😈

    The way I want :3

    You dunno the way I wanna go out

    ITS MY OLD GUNNIE PIGS NAME

    The gummy bears...

    I gotta another present for you

    Good. Its what hes used to =D He needs it every night to sleep

    It's hard cause he's small but I make it work

    I'm debating of I should give you totaro

    Cause of like sleeping with him too

    Ima good boy and a good boyfriend

    I wanna be a good boyfriend

    I wanna be a better boyfrienf

    ur already more than ive ever wanted

    And what I'm doing is what's keeping my that way

    I wanna speak to you smore

    I'm eager to speak to the love of my life

    Do you know any girl who had a crush on me b4

    Not including you

    No cause i didnt know anyone who even knew u sept seth but I didn't know he ven knew u

    Seth kohl or Seth serena

    I swear you have called serena Seth before

    But I wanna talk to u

    Don't do me like that

    Anonymous

    ill do u thoug

    Jokes on you

    You said you'll fuck me

    In my terminology

    fleperd

    Not til you yell me

    U said u wont sleep

    ThT means sex for me

    Tell me what you're gonna be honest with me aby

    Until you suck me off

    Until you break up with me

    Checkmate Charlie

    ima say what my freind told me

    Idcif you dont sleep cause your body will make you after long enough

    I'll neglect my body

    I'll spereate head from body

    Why would I want you dead?

    fleperd

    I'll neglect my body

    Pleasedont not for me

    I love you and want you to rest knowing I'm not harming myself

    fleperd

    Tell me what you're gonna be honest with me aby

    its not important

    fleperd

    I love you and want you to rest knowing I'm not harming myself

    I love you to ans im not sleeping

    No words can express or describe my undying love for u <333

    tell me what wrong please

    What did you read

    What fucking happened

    i js feel like a horrivle perosn\

    Babe you started freaking out

    You have me worried

    Anonymous

    no...

    You didn't

    I won't leave you okay

    I plan to spend my life with you

    It's cute but tell me who they are

    O wanna fucking sleep

    I feel like you don't love me anymore after I said that

    no one loses feelings that fast.

    I feel like you just did

    I fucking hate myself

    I can't not hate myself

    i dont hate you so dont hate ursel

    Please forgive ne

    fleperd

    O wanna fucking sleep

    This

    ur sorry you wanna sleep?

    Anonymous

    idec anymore.

    Read it from there to here

    Please forgive me

    dude i js wanna talk to u abt smthin but smthings nit letting me cause it feels stupid\

    I would want to usually but I'm tiref

    Idc how crazy it is

    i dont want you to sleep through ur alarm again.

    Scornful Vulture

    Related jokes

    • More jokes