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Collection of Dark Jokes

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My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

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Explanation

Explain Bear

Alright listen up, because I only want to say this once. So, there's like, five jokes here. The fridge one is funny because she thinks the fridge not working is the light not working when the husband is talking about the relationship. You probably have no idea what that's like. The funeral one is funny because it's a play on words about "morning" and "mourning", something you probably wouldn't understand. The anecdote one is funny because the person is an idiot and their friend died as a result. The salad one is funny because caesar was stabbed a bunch of times and you're stabbing the salad a bunch of times. I have no idea what's funny about the tree one, but probably something you wouldn't understand anyway. You probably think trees are like big sticks, right?

Comments (395)

It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

I meant got but fucking auto correct

fleperd

It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

wht has

fleperd

It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

Would it bother you if I were to call you chubby? HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION

prolly a lil then i woulndt gaf

It's a place in Germany

I js saw a mf on tiktok fry ramen

Am I supposed to not boil it

You are very picky

You said yesterday when we were talking you were picky

I wanna cuddle again

but i do not wanna be that cold again

i wasnt cold outside but it hit me inside

Mt head in between your things :0

Get your mind out of the gutter >:(

I still want my head crushed

its not lik i have leg strengtth

I can't stroke it for the month of November

Comment deleted by fleperd

I feel like you're sad

You're mad cuz you can't be helping me

You're sad you can't help me

You wanna give me a handjob

Im scared one day when you tell me you love me it wont be true

I won't ever lose feelings <3

I wanna sleep on your thigh

like i needa be honest w/ u

u should prolly sleep its gettin late

i need to say smthin but i cant

Like actually cant?

fleperd

Me nun shelo

no u sleep

Not til you yell me

Anonymous

like i needa be honest w/ u

This

youll pass out soon enough

I'll bust another nut

I'm passing out 😴

I'm eating a snickers

I'll never go tah bed 😈

You dunno the way I wanna go out

ITS MY OLD GUNNIE PIGS NAME

The gummy bears...

I gotta another present for you

Good. Its what hes used to =D He needs it every night to sleep

It's hard cause he's small but I make it work

I'm debating of I should give you totaro

Cause of like sleeping with him too

Ima good boy and a good boyfriend

I wanna be a good boyfriend

I wanna be a better boyfrienf

ur already more than ive ever wanted

And what I'm doing is what's keeping my that way

I wanna speak to you smore

I'm eager to speak to the love of my life

Do you know any girl who had a crush on me b4

No cause i didnt know anyone who even knew u sept seth but I didn't know he ven knew u

Seth kohl or Seth serena

I swear you have called serena Seth before

But I wanna talk to u

Don't do me like that

Anonymous

ill do u thoug

Jokes on you

You said you'll fuck me

fleperd

Not til you yell me

U said u wont sleep

ThT means sex for me

Tell me what you're gonna be honest with me aby

Until you suck me off

Until you break up with me

ima say what my freind told me

Idcif you dont sleep cause your body will make you after long enough

I'll neglect my body

I'll spereate head from body

Why would I want you dead?

fleperd

I'll neglect my body

Pleasedont not for me

I love you and want you to rest knowing I'm not harming myself

fleperd

Tell me what you're gonna be honest with me aby

its not important

fleperd

I love you and want you to rest knowing I'm not harming myself

I love you to ans im not sleeping

No words can express or describe my undying love for u <333

tell me what wrong please

What fucking happened

i js feel like a horrivle perosn\

Babe you started freaking out

You have me worried

Anonymous

no...

You didn't

I won't leave you okay

I plan to spend my life with you

It's cute but tell me who they are

O wanna fucking sleep

I feel like you don't love me anymore after I said that

no one loses feelings that fast.

I feel like you just did

I fucking hate myself

I can't not hate myself

i dont hate you so dont hate ursel

fleperd

O wanna fucking sleep

This

Anonymous

idec anymore.

Read it from there to here

dude i js wanna talk to u abt smthin but smthings nit letting me cause it feels stupid\

I would want to usually but I'm tiref

Idc how crazy it is

i dont want you to sleep through ur alarm again.