Eviction jokes

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!

My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

Orphans are lonely.