when you don't have a phone to play fruit ninja and improvise
Why don't orphans like to get lost??
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"... But she did.
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon"
So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Sex is like math
You add a bed 🛌
Subtract the clothes👚👕👖👙
Divide the legs🪢
And pray you don’t multiply 👨❤️👨👩❤️👨👩❤️👩
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What's the difference between eggs, and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Why do vegetarians give a anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at a adult book store because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
If you don ́t like my suicidal jokes, sorry man didn ́t know it cut that deep.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry I’m already going under.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout
Because every time they scan it scans twice.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy, It usually takes me days
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
