Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Father : I don't trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter's belly,. Son : But Paah you can't fire me. Father: You're lucky you're my brother too or I'd kill you.
roses are red, violates are blue, i don't know why i am still alive for you
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used too, but don't anymore.
Person: why'd you stop?
Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber Created by the Japanese Who speaks English And looks like a Mexican Jumps like a black man And grabs coins like a Jew
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I hate 2 faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his Dick where it don't belong!
Don’t mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11, my grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew
My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
I would roast you but you don’t have any meat!
