Do jokes
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.
That was an egg-cellent joke!
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"
Do you get it? SEArch.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.