Do jokes
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
What do you call funny waves? Wave Chappelle.
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?