Do jokes
Why do any orphans have sex?
Because they can't call anyone "daddy."
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me!
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! 🎂🥳
Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"
(dude wtf)
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.
Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?
Son, you're adopted!
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Why is James ugly? Cuz he do be a nerd with braces.