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GENESIS 15 The Lord’s Covenant With Abram 1After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” 2But Abram said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?” 3And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.” 4Then th… Read more

GENESIS 12 The Call of Abram 1The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. 2“I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. 3I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” 4So Abram went, as the Lo… Read more

first joke: took half an hour, but I found it.

https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/52b8feb0514efb2cbf8ca375/what-is-the-second-hardest-thing-in-the-morning

You're so fat that when you got on the scales they said "I need your weight not your phone number" ​ ​ ​ You're so fat that an oragami crane has less folds than you. ​ ​ ​ You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat people shout out "taxi" ​ ​ ​ You're so fat, the photo I took of you last christmas is still printing.

You're so fat that when you want to iron your pants, you have to go out to your driveway. ​ … Read more

GENESIS 11 The Tower of Babel 1Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. 2As people moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there. 3They said to each other, “Come, let’s make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. 4Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name … Read more

All my friends are toxic, all ambitionless So rude and always negative I need new friends, but it's not that quick and easy Oh, I'm drowning, let me breathe I'm better off all by myself Though I'm feeling kinda empty without somebody else Oh, I hear you crying out for help But you never showed for me when I was ringing your cellphone Oh, you don't know how it feels to be alone Baby, oh, I'll make you know, I'll make … Read more

I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. fucking damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realize Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid tiny fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god.

Im gonna fucking kms, why? THIS- bro im crying rn (not as a joke) here is the email I sent my mom

Uhm, remember when I gave your number to my friend? so when I pass my classes I can go over to their house? They had their number in their backpack pocket, and they were like "ADDISON IM GONNA CALL YOUR MOM" I freaked out, and I don't wanna get in trouble, so I'm apologizing now, instead of waiting until get home, and they called you about planned pregnancy, and I took the phone out of their hands and tried hanging up, but it didn't work, and I'm sorry. please don't me mad.

and I'm crying so hard rn ima kms

Wow, it really took a day, yall, SERIOUSLY need to touch some grass.

GENESIS 8 1But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded. 2Now the springs of the deep and the floodgates of the heavens had been closed, and the rain had stopped falling from the sky. 3The water receded steadily from the earth. At the end of the hundred and fifty days the water had gone down, 4and on the sev… Read more

GENESIS 5 From Adam to Noah 1This is the written account of Adam’s family line. When God created mankind, he made them in the likeness of God. 2He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created. 3When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. 4After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and d… Read more

This is completely a waist of time, but worth it at the same time.

*Dad's sitting on the couch reading news paper when wife walks in*

Husband: "This music.. Is the final boss coming? Or worse.. It's my wife..."

Wife: "You jobless monkey... Money to pay bills doesn't grow on tree's"

Husband: "Well it's no my fault.. And I was born poor *Over it* If I was son of Bill Gates I'd bathe in money.."

Wife: "First go bat… Read more

they took down my guide to internet piracy :(

lets put greedy corporations out of business

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home. They g… Read more

This is easier, it only took a little thought, try it do u agree? https://youtube.com/shorts/qneid0dg5tg?feature=share

I mistakenly sexted my wife’s sister A couple years ago I was on a business trip and missing my wife. I decided to take a suggestive picture (me in my boxer briefs, clearly with a bulge and just the tip sticking out the top) and send it to my wife. We don’t usually sext but I figured she’d appreciate knowing I was thinking of her.

It was late, I was tired, and barely paying attention. I accidentally sent it to her s… Read more