Are jokes
Roses are red, chocolate is brown,
I expect nothing and still get let down!
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Age is just a number.
Police are just people.
Jail is just a room.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
These are meannnnn.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
You are quite [something].
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
You are in the airway, how funny!
If you have cancer, you are gay.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.