Are jokes
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
What time do you think dogs are not happy?
Bulldogs.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
Why do people think that monsters are scary? Cuz they are so stupid.
Why are cows 🐮 so big? To scare babies 👶.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
Q: Why are morbid jokes so cruel?
A: Because they are!
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
Why are bald eagles bald? Because you're bald!
Goats are so lazy these days. Computers have more RAM.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"