And jokes

What do painters and prostitutes have in common?

They're both paid for a good finish.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?

"Romeow and Drooliet!"

What do you call an orphan with parents?

Idk, I never met one before.

Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."

Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.

More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?

An orphan.

Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?

Because they can’t find one.

lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Welcome to ____ pizzeria and abortion clinic where your loss is our sauce.

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.

One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)

Do this on a calculator.

There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.

Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?

Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂