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And jokes

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:

Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?

Student: PIGS!

Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?

Student: SHEEP!

Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.

Student: IK where that comes from!

A FAT COW! 😂😂

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

  • 7

    • People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

    Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

    Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

    Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

  • 4

    • One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

    One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

    "What part of the dog did you get?"

    A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...

    So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

  • 8

    • So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

    What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

    You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

    What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

    They're both accidents.

  • 2

    • If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

    Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

    Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.

    Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

    She said, "Who's there?"

    I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

    She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

    What do condoms and whores have in common?

    Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

    Knock knock?

    Who's there?

    Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.

    Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.