And jokes
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a computer screen, and then they can see the government has to get Chili's."
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs ;)
One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.
Why did the butt smell so bad? Because he didn’t have a nose! AND HE FARTED TOO!
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop.
“Huh, I wonder why he needs a mop?”
When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"
My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Toot and poop.
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.