And jokes

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?

"Him and his dead family." :(

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!

What do lovely men and tampons have in common?

Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.

"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."

Lil Johnny came home one day and said, "What do fucking each other mean?"

Then he walked through the living room and his dad was fucking his mom, so oh.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"