Back

And jokes

Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.

He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.

One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

  • 2

    • Went to see a psychic the other day.

    I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

    So I turned around and left.

    What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

    Only one is wanted.

    Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

    Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

    What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

    The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

    My brother caught Covid last month.

    First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

    I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."