And jokes

Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

"Will you listen now?!??"

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

What’s the difference between a living and dead person?

I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.

Billy and Nanny have 2 kids.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To end his pain and suffering.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.

The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"

I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.

The bus was white.

What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.