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All jokes

Police: Where do you live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbor.

Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?

Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

Police: Tell me.

Me: Next to my house.

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    • What's black, white, and red all over?

    A nun that fell down the stairs.

    What's black, white, and laughing?

    The nun that pushed her.

    You got a dig bick.

    You read that wrong.

    You read that wrong too.

    Maybe you read that wrong as well.

    You just went and back-checked.

    You reread all of that.

    You have a pet wussy.

    You read that wrong...

    You need mental help.

    *Loud explosion inside the tank*

    "Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

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    • Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

    Why are birds good at social media?

    Because they "tweet" all the time!?

    Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

    A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

    On the COWch (couch).

    Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.

    The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.

    I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

    A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

    The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

    The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

    The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

    The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

    I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

    A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

    Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

    Rules of Dark humor:

    1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

    2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

    3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

    I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

    - Sincerely, Zane

    This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.

    Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."

    To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!

    Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

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