What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
Shower thoughts
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Walking.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
How can one make Death Row a little more fun? Musical electric chairs.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise? 9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?!
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?
Harry Potter.
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
How do you make an orphan’s hand bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
Spider-Man: No Way Home
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.