Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Shower thoughts
If Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen. "Are those brownies, I smell?", he asks. "Indeed, they are.", he was told. "Gee", he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts."
You know how Joe Biden is happy When he is rubbing a little girls shoulders and eating ice cream.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!” George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.
How do you knockout 26 kids in one punch Give them a Sandy Hook
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes? The incredibles
Why is hitler better than Biden? Because hitler gave his people Gas for free
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina? A yeast infection
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners The lady says, "Come Again!" The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *Walks away*
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck! Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck! Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Yo momma is so ugly she made my happy meal cry