What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.
Sad Sad Sarah
In twilight hues, my heart doth break,
A sorrow deep, a pain that makes me quake.
My love, oh how it did depart,
Leaving naught but shattered pieces of my heart.
The memories we shared, now tainted with despair,
Echoes of joy, now filled with tears.
The touch of thy hand, now just a distant dream,
A longing so strong, yet impossible to gleam.
Thy lips, once sweet, now bitter taste,
A cruel fate, our love so hastily laid waste.
The words we spoke, now empty air,
Our hearts, once one, now torn apart and bare.
In vain I wait for thee to return
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
A women brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and request further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his had and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs of quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, my beloved hamster is dead. "I'm sorry for your loss", the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars" says the vet. "what? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster? My zipper.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In the Ark Hives.
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.