When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Nightmare
What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs..
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely? Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.