Manga fan

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing they fast.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Rip boiled water you will be mist.

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.