A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
GG Miller
This is the Polo Gang..
Just posting corny dad jokes.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
; Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he had 'no-body' to go with.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
"My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas."
What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Yo mama so ugly she's only allowed to go out on October 31.
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world; it only had one dog in it. It was a Shitzu."
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
What’s momma bear’s favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.