Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won't ever see my dog again! Italian: I won't ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping of a roof
I know a good airplane joke but it would probably go over your heads. The twin towers: no it won't.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a Girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? ...Actually nah you won't get over it
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work
Q: why can't orphans be on a football team? A: because they won't know where to go on a home game.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall and when I got out a handicap man told me that I was an a**hole and I told him “bet you won’t stand up and say that to my face” and hen he broke down.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
Covid-19 won't last long... it's made in China
Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage. Child: But why? Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
I’m gonna jump to my death. Don’t worry. I won’t jump far. Just off this chair here...
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove? So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
One day I got home and told my girlfriend "I cheated on you." she replied with "F**k you" I then said "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die. What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
