One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
What is always moving but we never see it walk?
Time! Hahahaha!
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
