GO ON THE QUINTILLIONAIRE MORNING ROUTINE NOW!
1. Wake up 2. Take a shit 3. Eat 4. Get out of bed 5. Have breakfast
How do you wake up lady gaga? Poker Face.
Sans:Zzzzzzzz Papyrus:SANS WAKE UP!! Sans:What is it dude? Papyrus:A human has fallen from the surface world! Sans:And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them there parent are waiting when the wake up.
Why do orphans not care about sleep, because they have no one to wake up to
If chickens wake up when the Rooster crows, then when do ducks wake?
At the quack of dawn.
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed- He wakes up under it...
man: hi doc, i have a problem. i take a shit at 6:00am every morning. doc: whats wrong with that. man: i dont wake up until 8:00am
he never has a bad day cuz he wakes up on both side of the bed
👧👧👧 👧 Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning ? because they don't have balls to scratch
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" "of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms"
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
a guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road and he smells fish and he says good morning ladies
why do women rub there eyes when they wake up cuz they don't got balls to scratch
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6AM but wake up at 7AM. And it's not even a joke.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you? “Cmon, did ya really think I’d resist a-rest?”
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone
