Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first
Q:What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common? A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warms up after a few strokes
When you're working in the twin towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at you're pun?
Looks like someones funny bone is broken😁
You do 1 line, you're not a crack head You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic But I murder 1 person...
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They're both paid for a good finish..
We’re skipping April fools day this year, the biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country
I am a big fan of whiteboards I find them quite re-markable
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
“I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in awhile, but you’re really abusing that privilege.”
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
You’re so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so u could wear a mask
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
boss: you're fired
me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
boss: you're a waiter where did you get those
