Random kid: yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the super bowl. orphan:what's a mama? Random kid: *shook
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: Happy birthday to you.., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear____, happy birthday to u Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!..
I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles
a guy saw a person with a duck and said "where did you get a pig" the owner replied "its not a pig dummy" the random guy said "i wasn't talking to you,i was talking to the duck"
literally no one:why cant you hear the pterodactyl random person:i don't know no one:BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT random person:ha cool i guess
The clock struck one! Then down did come! Hickory dickory doc What am I? Random- a mouse? Me- no dumb $hit! Random- what is it? Me- the gillotine!
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
Yesterday, I saw an advert with random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful. And then I said "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
Random guy: Go suck a D*ck! Me: Nah, i rather suck a 9mm.
me:hi Jaiden bully/Jaiden harper:leave me alone weirdo me:wow says the one who didn't pass 3RD grade bully/Jaiden harper:"*hits*" me:*calls fbi and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves*"bye bye" fbi:"FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!"
You: Why did the chicken cross the road? Random person: Why? You: To get to the idiot's house! Random person: What? You: Knock knock Random person: Who's there? You: The chicken.
Me: *looks at persons hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun." Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?" Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?" Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna." Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?" Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, sl*t!" I walked towards him. "I prefer slit." I said. "Why?" He asked. "You see this wrists?" I spat at him.
alright my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time and what i say is go get you boyfriend dude
So I was looking though my pictures and I found a picture of a random kids that took a picture of his ugly face it look like someone that got hit by a car than a bus than a semi
That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats and I'm like "Water you talking about" =3
