Psychiatry jokes

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...

Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.