Psychiatry jokes

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.