Parademic jokes
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.