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Heroin Monkey
1 year ago
1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a comparison of two images of trucks with the text 'how it started' and 'how it's going' written above it. The first image on the left shows a white truck with its front hood open and two cartoon hands pointing at the vehicle. The second image on the right shows two trucks in a romantic embrace, framed by a red heart. The image also has the user name "dexter" and the handle "@DexterSoWhat" and the text "So now even trucks getting more love than me?"
  • 0
  • Wade XL
    1 year ago
    The image shows a screenshot with text at the top and a man with a shocked expression at the bottom. The text reads: "technically you can call a black guy the n word and I came up with this theory and it's called NROENB it's stands for NO Rasicts Or Equality Not Both. So my theory is that if black ppl call each other the n word then because they want Equality it means that Whites can call Blacks the n word Whites can call Whites the n word Blacks can call Whites the n word Blacks can call Blacks the n word. And Asians are somewhere in the middle."
  • 7
  • πŒ™κŠπŒ΅πŒ“πŒ΅πŒ”πŒ„πŒ“πŒπŒ€πŒŒπŒ„
    1 year ago

    So true

    A man with a slight frown and a tilted head looking at the camera. The text above and below his head says, "I AM SILENTLY CORRECTING YOUR GRAMMAR."
  • 4
  • R
    RubiksProbablyWasntTaken
    1 year ago

    Ok guys so like hear me out.

    A close up image of a shattered glass with a bullet hole in the middle. The glass is heavily cracked with fractures radiating outwards from the center.
  • 1
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The text "The Gire" in blue is above a definition that reads, "When a man inserts a pocket pussy into another dude's asshole before having sex with him so it's not gay."
  • 0
  • trixiedixieπŸ₯°
    1 year ago
    A man with a mischievous smile is leaning forward with his head resting on his hand looking directly at the viewer. Text above and below his image reads "OH, SO YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE MEMES COME FROM? THAT SHOULD ONLY TAKE A FEW SECONDS..."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago

    This is so bad

    A screenshot of two tweets. The first tweet is from Caitlyn Jenner, it reads "It's so hard to find a straight man that is confident enough to compliment me on my looks.". The second tweet is a reply from Donald J. Trump, and it reads "Nice balls."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a babirusa on the left and a babirusa skull on the right. Below the images is the text: "THE BABIRUSA IS A WILD PIG WHOSE TUSKS CAN GROW SO LONG THEY CURVE BACKWARDS ULTIMATELY IMPALING THEIR SKULLS AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING THEM UNLIKE JEFFREY EPSTEIN WHO WAS KILLED ON PURPOSE". The text @yup.that.exists is in the upper right of the picture.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a text written on a wall or stall. The text reads: "I once took a shit in this stall, so thick and so firm it stood tall, it balanced on end that shit did not bend but fell over and scraped my left ball."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows a white paper cutout of a figure with a raised hand, taped to a window. The shadow of the cutout is also visible in the dark room.
  • 1
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    Two pictures of trees with hollow areas filled with water are shown. The one on the left contains clearer water, while the one on the right looks more like a puddle filled with leaves. Below the images are the comments: "free soup," "you're going to be so, so cursed," and "free soup."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A sailing ship at sea with the text "We're so back" above it. Underneath is a news snippet from CNN that reads, "Giant kites could pull cargo ships across the ocean - and slash their carbon emissions".
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows the text "When someone reposts a meme so bad that you can literally see the account they reposted it from at the top." Below, there's a close-up of Kermit the Frog looking upward with a slightly annoyed or exasperated expression.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A screenshot of Shrek. Shrek is looking unwell and is partially fading away. The text says "Donkey, I don't feel so good."
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image shows two pictures. The first picture shows a train on a bridge in a mountainous area. There is text below it stating, "Switzerland's military has remained neutral since 1815, but the entire country is rigged to explode. Thousands of demolition points are wired into bridges, highways, and railroads across the nation so that everything can be destroyed if invaders attack". The second picture shows a man holding a belt with a worried expression. The text below the man states, "WHO'S THERE? I HAVE A BELT AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO HANG MYSELF".
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    The image is a comic strip with 6 panels. The first panel shows a man standing in a kitchen. The second panel shows the man about to crack an egg in a bowl. In the third panel a chicken pops out of the egg with a cracking sound and flames next to the man's face. In the fourth panel the chicken thanks the man for freeing it and says it will grant him a wish, showing the man a little surprised. In the fifth panel the man makes the wish that he wants an omelette. In the last panel, the man looks exasperated as the chicken looks at him next to the omelette in the pan.
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A cartoon picture of Jerry Mouse with wide eyes. The text above says: "I wanna name my puppy 'insane' so when people ask 'are you fucking insane?' I can say 'no I'm fucking my sister'".
  • 0
  • Heroin Monkey
    1 year ago
    A four-panel comic shows a man cuddling a dog, speaking 'yuss, gimme kissus.' In the second panel, a second man says 'Gross! He was licking his balls 30 seconds ago!' The third panel shows the first man with a surprised face and the dog looking normal. In the fourth panel, the first man looks disgusted and apologetic, saying '...I'm sorry.'
  • 0
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    YAYYYY

    The image shows a list of quotes from different people arguing about whose idol is stronger, starting with "My Idol likely could beat urs in a fight", which leads to a discussion on if Godzilla or Jesus would win.
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