Medical emergency jokes

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...

What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.