How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
A man walks into a bar, and says "Ouch!" And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.
My Friend- Why does Santa look like that? My 15 Year Old Friend- He has secateurs cancer... Me- I heard its cause he comes once a year. *-Everyone Looks at me-*
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack 2 weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life) -_-
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed "I want to see your face again mommy...". A miracle happened, his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said "I want to see you too dad". He looked at his father's grave but nothing happened
Suddenly a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked "were you looking for me?"
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say bitch and bastard. He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him suprised and said, "a bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say ass and shit, so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean" His dad says "A shit is shaving creme like what i'm putting on my face and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom." Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say fuck, so johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean mom?" She looks over at him and says "Fuck means carving, like what i'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says "Welcome bitch and bastard may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask were his parents are. Johnny responds with "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
People who wannabe rich an famous rappers should always look at rapeboat, and learn wat not to do.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!” The doctor then looks at him and says “Have you tried icing?”
You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror