Q – Why was the pediatrician always losing his temper?
A – Because he had little patients.
Q- Why was the little strawberry crying?
A – His mom was in a jam.
Q – What do you call a nosy pepper?
A – Jalapeño business
Q – What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?
A – Lookin’ a little pail there.
Q – What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
A – Roberto
Q – What do you do with a sick boat?
A – Take it to the doc.
Q – What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired?
A – Oh, snap!
Q – What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A – Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Q – Why was the poor guy selling yeast?
A – To raise some dough.
Q – Why do scuba divers fall backward when they go out of the boat?
A – Because if they fell forward they would fall into the boat.
Q – Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
A – They lactose
Q – Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A – It’s too far to walk.
Q – Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A – It’s OK, he woke up.
Q – What cheese can never be yours?
A – Nacho cheese
Q – What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
A – Well, the flag is a big plus.
Q – Why do crabs never give to charity?
A – They’re shellfish.
Q – How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A – A buccaneer
Q – How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
A – He could feel his presents.
Q – What’s brown and sticky?
A – A stick.
Q – What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A – Aye Matey!
Q – Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
A – Only if you aim it well enough.
Q – If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?
A – European
Q – What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A – A can’t opener.
I sold my vacuum. All it was doing was collecting dust.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?”
The other answers, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Q – What do you call a fake noodle?
A – An impasta.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed space.
Clever Jokes To Make You Laugh
Just like corny jokes, clever jokes also have their time and place. Be sure to have fun and enjoy a good laugh over the following jokes:
Q – What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A – Ba-na-na-naaaaa
What Do You Get When You Cross A Joke With A Rhetorical Question?
Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They don’t have any gigs yet.
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors.”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like OMG
Puns to put a smile on your face
Q – How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A – 10-tickles
Need an Ark?
I Noah guy.
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
Q – What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A – Alley cats
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Q – What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A – Do-you-think-he-saur-us
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
Q – What do you call a goat that’s lazy?
A – Billy Idle.
Q – Where do robots go for fun?
A – The circuits
Q – Why do math teachers make good dancers?
A – Because they have algorithm
Q – You know what bugs me?
A – Insect puns
I asked my French friend if he liked to play video games. He said, “Wii.”
The machine at the coin factory just stopped working for no reason. It doesn’t make any cents.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense
6:30 is the best time on the clock... hands down.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A customer asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Did you hear about the two silk works in a race? It ended in a tie!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
I put all of my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.
Q – Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A – He neverlands
Q – Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
A – To get better buns.
Q – Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner?
A – Because he couldn’t find a date.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
