How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb it takes two but don’t ask me how they get inside

Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside is three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women were his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I’m a fireman" The prince says, "Then we’ll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I’m an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we’ll shoot your dick off!" The third guy smiles and says, "I’m a lollipop salesman

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

What’s worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that’s rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child… Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there’s nothing hidden inside me, I’m empty “smug face”.

A blind man walks into a bar And a table And a chair

What was on Stephen Hawkings grave stone. Intel inside

If museums are full of dead things…

Then why aren’t there any memes inside them?

What’s the difference between a baby and a mansion? I’ve never seen the inside of a mansion

“Don’t sneeze”

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends I would always tell them “Don’t sneeze” and when I did they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed we laughed even harder.


“It dangles and swung” Language art quizzes are the best

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside. He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see”

Why does the sky think it’s so powerful Because it’s always looking down on us

What’s similar b/w a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “My mom’s gonna kill me”

Only a genius can say this


Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time? – Because it was Luke warm.

play dead they said wasn’t to hard I’ve been dead inside for years

How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.

Kate ate food coloring last night she said she was dying inside

Why do you want me? Cus u like me … What do you mean ? You love me No Look down