A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
GUI Jokes
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.
We started playing rocket league.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
