Dying jokes
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
My mom died.
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻
Ammon died.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the router.
My grandpa died to ligma :(
LIGMA BALLS!