Dying jokes
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His Windows update wasn't available.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?