Dying jokes
I asked an emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost Wi-Fi connection.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
I'm logging out.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.