Dying jokes

Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."

Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."

Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?

Someone dies.

Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”

And then you die inside.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

Stephen Hawking died because his screw fell out.

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

Why did Stephen Hawking die? Someone unplugged the WiFi router.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?

A: At least you don't die when you shower.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Die you potato.

I baked you a pie.

Oh boy, which flavor?

Pie Pie Pie Pie.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Why did you name this way?

Why Why Why?