Dont jokes
Why don't rappers ever play baseball?
Because they're too busy dropping hits!
Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.
Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.
Son, what is 1 plus 1?
Dad, I don't know.
Son, it is 2.
Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?
Because they don't have homes.
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
I hate it when I don’t understand someone.
Why did Draven eat curry?
I don't know, ask him.
Dravenッ
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.