Do jokes
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Q: What do you call white people on a black bus?
A: Oreo
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners?
He can't do stand-ups.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition or addictionary.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer (no idea).