Do jokes
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.
Why? Why would you do that?
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What do you call purple when it's being mean? Violent.
Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.