Pornhub suggesting me MILF on mother's day....
wanna know something the orphan could never do
wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day
what holiday can a orphan not celebrate
mothers day and fathers day
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sibling" Santa Claus wrote him back and said "okay, send me your mother"
whys a orphan's least favorite day field trip day because they can't get a parents signature
So the other day i saw a child in a wheelchair
he was getting bullied alot so i came up
And said why dont you stand up to those bullies
So the other day my black friend work are group project he was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself" He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch, at him I thought I would brighten up his day
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick...she still isn't talking to me
Boss: Have a good day Me: *goes home*
One day, a preist and a nun went to play golf together. In the first shot, the preist missed his shot and said “Fuck I missed it.” The nun replied “Hey you should not curse.” In the second shot, the preist missed his shot again and said “Fuck I missed again.” The nun replied “Hey stop swearing, or else god will punish you.” In the next shot, the preist missed once again. He shouted “Fuck this, this game is bullshit.” The nun replied “Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime.” Suddenly, a thunderbolt stroke the nun and killed her, the clouds separated from the sky and there was a voice in the sky saying “Oh fuck I missed.”
Why don’t Mexican have sex education and a drivers education on the same day? Because the donkey gets tired.
I don’t Mexicans have sex education and drivers education on the same day. Because the donkey get tired
As a son I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot. I came home the next day I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask whats going on my mom said to me. Meet your new daddy, then my friend said to hey son get me a beer from the fridge.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go f*ck yourself, these are my chips."
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." T he woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
