One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
What do you call field day in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
What does a orphan wish they could do?
Wish happy Mothers Day and Father's Day
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
whys a orphan's least favorite day field trip day because they can't get a parents signature
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick...she still isn't talking to me
