Beautiful woman jokes

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?

"That's the best shag I never had."

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!

I am a beautiful person.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.