Auction jokes

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

What do you call a house party for slaves?

An auction house.

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.