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3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.

The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.

"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.

"Heard of what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Of course I've heard of cows."

"No, a cow herd."

"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.

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    • A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”

    The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”

    There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

    (They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

    Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

    A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

    The bartender says, "No bread here."

    And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

    And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

    And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

    And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

    So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

    And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

    And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

    And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!

    Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?

    Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.

    A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

    And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.