Shower thoughts

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I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex

I was bloody sore and but at least my dad came

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75